Dusty Paths

Create or play along with forum-based, fan-made, MSPA-inspired adventures here!

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Punchlion
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by Punchlion » Thu May 28, 2020 8:24 pm

Shawgier wrote:
Wed May 27, 2020 10:14 pm
>Clean your trailer before doing anything else :cal:
Image
Mucky Patches might be an irredeemable malefactor but that is no excuse for being impolite. Nevermind when you tried to hammer his door down, that was before you got drunk. You've grown since then.

You tidy up the trailer, but you don't really focus too hard on doing it super well or even putting things away really, I mean, c'mon, how much effort do we realistically owe our captor here.

anyway you feel pretty good about a job adequately done and take a moment to pat yourself on the back. You are without a doubt, a good person. Great work.
luigi wrote:
Wed May 27, 2020 10:33 pm
>Touch the giant virus cell.
Image

Ouuu, it feels just like how you imagined a giant virus cell would feel. You weirdly enjoy how the RNA tickles the tip of your finger.
You don't know whether giant viruses work like regular viruses. Not to worry though, I'm sure you'll have some idea what the consequences of this will be within fourteen days. But hey! good on you for upholding your civic duty and quarantining yourself.

mm, actually, fuck that let's get out of here.

what are we trying next?

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luigi
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by luigi » Thu May 28, 2020 11:17 pm

>Count how many fingers you have
tumut

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23toedbasket
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by 23toedbasket » Fri May 29, 2020 5:52 am

>Turn on the Raydio

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23toedbasket
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by 23toedbasket » Fri May 29, 2020 5:55 am

>Turn on the Raydio

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Punchlion
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by Punchlion » Wed Jun 24, 2020 7:21 pm

luigi wrote:
Thu May 28, 2020 11:17 pm
>Count how many fingers you have
Image
Hey screw you BUCKO I know how many fingers I have... as many as I DAMN WELL PLEASE
23toedbasket wrote:
Fri May 29, 2020 5:52 am
>Turn on the Raydio
Image
Okay, you bend down to flip the switch, disregarding the conflict of the previous panel.
23toedbasket wrote:
Fri May 29, 2020 5:55 am
>Turn on the Raydio
Image
Dude. What is with you today? I'm doing it already jeez.
-->
Image
After turning on the Raydio you cannot be bothered to pay attention to its catchy garbage. I Mean is it an ad? is it a song? what's even the difference at this point? its all the same four chords anyway.
All you know is it makes you want to shove your vital organs into the now hopefully fatal virus cell. You begin to climb back up just to double check if the deadly bits are a little deeper.
When suddenly, the Raydio broadcast shreds its way into the forefront of your attention with the mention of...

Dirty Paths, your father.

***BREAKING NEWS IN THE HOTTEST STORY DEVELOPING IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW, A NEW LEAD ON THE MISSING EXPERIMENTAL WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION CASE HAS BEEN REVEALED AND A SUSPECT HAS BEEN NAMED.

DIRTY PATHS, SON OF NOTORIOUS ANTAGONIST MUCKY PATCHES IS BELIEVED TO HAVE STOLEN THE BROOM OF DOOM FROM THE VAULTS OF THE PENTAGRAM BUILDING IN WHAT HAS REVEALED ITSELF TO BE ONE OF THE MOST INTRICATE AND OVERLY COMPLEX HEISTS IN HISTORY.

DIRTY PATHS HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS HAVING AN ELLIPSE FOR A HEAD, THREE THICK STRANDS OF HAIR, TWO EYES, AND FOUR LIMBS ALL CONSIDERED ARMS AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS***

yup, that's your old man alright.

***THE WEAPON HE HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF PILFERING IS REPORTEDLY THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE CONSTRUCT OF HUMANITY'S TIME ON THIS EARTH. WITH THE ABILITY TO SWEEP AWAY MATTER INTO NOTHING, AND WITH ITS SIMPLE, TRADITIONAL DESIGN, THE BROOM OF DOOM POSES AN UNPRECEDENTED (yet, elegant) THREAT ESPECIALLY IN THE MANY HANDS OF A MAN BORN FROM THE BALLS OF OUR SOCIETY'S ICON FOR TWO DIMENSIONAL VILLAINY***

you feel the cool breeze again, and your eyes trace down to... the Broom of Doom which apparently saved you from your impending sweaty demise... oh boy, Poppa Paths, what did you get us into this time.
-->
Image

holy crap. With a couple easy sweeps you've entirely removed the walls of your prison... they didn't even 'Mr stark I don't feel so good' away or anything... just, gone!

is there anything in the trailer you want to explore before leaving to continue the adventure?

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luigi
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by luigi » Fri Jun 26, 2020 2:21 pm

>Nah sweep the entire thing away
tumut

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Mandy
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by Mandy » Fri Jun 26, 2020 10:58 pm

>Bring the virus

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luigi
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by luigi » Fri Jul 03, 2020 11:02 am

>Do a headstand
tumut

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Merlin
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by Merlin » Fri Jul 03, 2020 12:38 pm

Store the virus in your lungs, and you might as well detonate that detonator while you're at it.

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Punchlion
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by Punchlion » Fri Jul 03, 2020 6:12 pm

Mandy wrote:
Fri Jun 26, 2020 10:58 pm
>Bring the virus
Image
In a final attempt to avoid dealing with this bullshit scenario you plunge your fist deep into the ooie-gooie core of the virus in hopes that it would end your life in a dramatic fashion. Instead, it tickles, and now, you can't get your hand out. shit.

Okay well I guess we're bringing the virus with us wherever we go no matter the consequences. I'm sure there will be very few. Anyway, time to leave the trailer.

wow! look at all this fucking garbage! The old man couldn't have left the trailer next to a bus station or something? this is ridiculous.
luigi wrote:
Fri Jun 26, 2020 2:21 pm
>sweep the entire thing away
Image
why would you brush away all your dad's stuff? that stingy fool would only give you something if it was A) absolutely crucial, or B)absolutely useless, he calls it 'social experimentation' I call it spitefully pranking your son.
Plus, he'll be pissed if he hears you used his fancy new broom just for the sake flagrant hooliganry, especially when it ruins his 'experiments.'

Not to mention... you have NO IDEA how the two of you could have POSSIBLY gotten this crap ALL THE WAY UP HERE. Which will make getting back down (preferably without being monched on by what you can only assume are terrifying monsters) slightly more difficult.
Merlin wrote:
Fri Jul 03, 2020 12:38 pm
Store the virus in your lungs, and you might as well detonate that detonator while you're at it.
Image
okay first of all you don't have lungs. those dots on your face? eyes, probably, but definitely not nostrils. Do you see a mouth? well, no, because you can't see your face due to where your eyes are maybe probably located.

SECONDLY. it's stuck to your arm, that baby isn't going ANYWHERE... actually it's kind of starting to feel uh, prickly...

but let's disregard that entirely until it becomes a problem.

you go back in the trailer to grab the detonator from the Toolboks. You click it a few times. You hear some soft explosions off in the distance. Looks like you didn't detonate everything when you were passed out ON the button... that's, wow.
You always knew your old man was a bit eccentric but this is extreme even for him
how many people have you just maimed and/or murdered?
let's say zero.
No, let's say you've actually HELPED like 6 people.
Yeah, I like the sound of that!
4 disabled children, a sentient ape with cerebral palsy, and an super old lady. Wow, great work team.
luigi wrote:
Fri Jul 03, 2020 11:02 am
>Do a headstand
Image
In celebration of your spectacular humanitarian feats, you do the traditional congratulatory headstand.

this feels great.

you're just great.

yay you.

congrats.

if you had one, your mom would be so proud of you right now.

"great job Dusty" she'd say.
"I'm so glad I got pregnant with you by your Dad and you totally didn't just come out of his balls" she'd continue
"You're my pride and joy, and one day you also won't have a child from your balls, and I hope that that child is just as good as you Dusty because... you know what? You're just the best. I love you" she'd conclude.

"nice" you think to yourself.

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luigi
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by luigi » Fri Jul 03, 2020 8:01 pm

>Fondly regard archetypal maternity
tumut

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Punchlion
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by Punchlion » Sat Jul 04, 2020 9:26 am

luigi wrote:
Fri Jul 03, 2020 8:01 pm
>Fondly regard archetypal maternity
Image
You fondly regard what you imagine to be archetypal maternity. It would be so, so nice to have a mother figure. Someone who could literally or metaphorically play the role of whatever this symbolic thing you're currently mimicking represents. You know, that soft enveloping safety which radiates unconditional love and much needed nutrition with plenty of comforting affection... wow, that would be so nice.

you could do this all day.

But let's not. Look at all this garbage we could explore instead!

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luigi
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by luigi » Sat Jul 04, 2020 12:21 pm

>Ask the giant moth if you can take a drag off its smoking object
tumut

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Punchlion
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by Punchlion » Sun Jul 05, 2020 5:01 pm

luigi wrote:
Sat Jul 04, 2020 12:21 pm
>Ask the giant moth if you can take a drag off its smoking object
Image
a WHAT? if there was a giant moth near by that would be super useful... and you could totally go for a smoke right now.
Hey, there's no giant moth there! in fact you're pretty certain there was NEVER a giant moth there... must be your head playing tricks on you!

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luigi
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by luigi » Sun Jul 05, 2020 5:50 pm

>If you can't smoke cigarettes, smoke crack

>Develop a crack addiction

>Sell your father's valuables for crack
tumut

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Merlin
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by Merlin » Sun Jul 05, 2020 6:02 pm

Dont concern yourself with being useful, go back to stroking your ego until it is out of control.

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vipershlong
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by vipershlong » Mon Jul 06, 2020 9:24 pm

>reach for the frajle box and see what’s inside

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Punchlion
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by Punchlion » Tue Jul 07, 2020 8:17 pm

luigi wrote:
Sun Jul 05, 2020 5:50 pm
>If you can't smoke cigarettes, smoke crack
Image
Now THAT is some sage advice... but what do you do when you don't have any crack? in fact, looking around there isn't even anything to smoke out of.

you, you couldn't mean this?? THIS? this isn't a CRACKPIPE!
this is the home to the much exhaulted friend of the family DOUBLE G GRANDADDY OOIE-GOO!

it's actually super usefull that you found this cuz they say GGGDOG is capable of granting WISHES when someone in The Family finds themselves in a time of great need!
we just need to grab it around the base near the globe aaaaaand... wait, what am I going to wish for?
luigi wrote:
Sun Jul 05, 2020 5:50 pm
>Develop a crack addiction
Image
I-I WISH TO DEVELOP A CRACK ADDICTION

HAHAHA YOU GOT IT DUSTY
*CHI-KA-BANG*


oh no. You've suddenly gotten... very cold

oh GOD, the jonesing hits you like a FREIGHT TRAIN
how could anything be so good that not having it makes you feel THIS BAD???
To crave something so much... it's just mind boggling
certainly, you have never known true love
and undoubtedly, you will only ever find it in crack.
Unfortunately, there's none here! but this can be solved
luigi wrote:
Sun Jul 05, 2020 5:50 pm
>Sell your father's valuables for crack
Image
H-Hey GGGDOG c-can I trade you this priceless InspirationaLamp which is undoubtedly crucial to my mission for... some uh, some crack?

L M A O For real? DONE
*CHI-KA-BANG*


There it is, oh my god, it's beautiful. He even left you a lighter and regular sized pipe! great great great great great great great.


wait.
-->
Image
you don't have a MOUTH... you don't even have LUNGS

You've developed this crippling, bone-deep flesh craving for CRACK

AND YOU COULD NEVER INGEST IT IN THE FIRST PLACE

oh fuck, oh FUCK you need this crack so fucking bad fuck fuck fuck.

that's it! you've got it... you just need to MAKE yourself a mouth. ANYTHING to get THAT CRACK in THIS BODY.
vipershlong wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 9:24 pm
>reach for the frajle box and see what’s inside
Image
good idea! bet you it's 'frajle' because it'll shatter! and you can use the jagged fragments to create the PERFECT crack receptacle/orifice.

Hoooly CRAP this box is HEAVY, you can barely lift it at all, but you do!

HHHIUUGHGHHHHGHGHYYYAHH!

*SMASQUISH*
Merlin wrote:
Sun Jul 05, 2020 6:02 pm
Dont concern yourself with being useful, go back to stroking your ego until it is out of control.
Image
HRRRGH! YEAH! HOLY FUCK! YOU'RE SO STRONG!!! THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN!! THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS TO BE A GOD!!!

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luigi
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by luigi » Tue Jul 07, 2020 10:36 pm

>Use the broom to make a hole in your face

>Consume CRACK
tumut

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vipershlong
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Re: Dusty Roads

Post by vipershlong » Wed Jul 08, 2020 11:28 am

> square up the giant moth to prove your manliness

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