Homestuck.XYZ 2.0

"Subject 635
Class: Asshole.
Subject 635 is a mammalian entity, 6'9" in height, with a vaguely bovine skull serving as his upper head. Subject 635 is always wearing a suit with sheep wool on the shoulders, and claims that wool comes from the dead bodies of his parents, who he murdered. Apparently. When questioned on how he came into existence, the story changes a lot.
Subject 635 likes to refer to himself as "The Benefactor", although many who have met and/or made deals with Subject 635 like to simply refer to him as "The Bastard".
Subject 635 can produce illusions at will, and is seemingly godlike in power. He molded the doorway of his containment cell like clay, simply because he wanted to feel more comfortable when entering and leaving. Which he does often. We keep locking the door, but he just keeps getting out. Personnel are to be alerted of Subject 635 and are advised to avoid him at all costs.
Subject 635 will often make deals with people he interacts with, and tends to only interact with people who are going through crises in their lives or are struggling. Said deals will more often than not benefit the person with whom the deal is made, but a notable side effect is that once they have those "benefits" they're stuck with them until time of death (Which may or may not be accelerated depending on the deal that is made. Lots of people die because of this dick, is what I'm saying.) One subject who successfully made a deal with Subject 635 had been having marriage problems. Subject 635 offered to help. The deal was made and the person with whom was dealt with went to marriage counselling, and resolved all issues with their husband. Them and their 3 children later died in a car accident that week, caused by a nearby gas station flooding the road with fuel.
When questioned, Subject 635 said that that gas station had been running low on supplies, so he decided to help them."

DOC: What do you want?
AB: It's not about what I want, it's about what you want.
DOC: Right. Of Course.
AB: Look, Georgia, you've been stuck in this dead-end job surrounded by people with vastly inferior intelligence for almost a decade. You want an out, and I'm giving you that chance.

DOC: If you're trying to boost my Ego by insulting my Incompetent Idiot Co-workers, it's not working.
AB: I'm not trying anything, I'm reading your mind. And even if I couldn't do that, I can see it in your eyes and body language anyway. You want to escape. From this place. From these people.
AB: Don't drink that coffee, by the way. it very clearly has blood in it.

DOC: What's the catch? And don't even fucking Think of telling me there isn't one.
AB: Well of course there's a catch, but what would be the fun in telling you?
AB: Miss Un, you and I are very much alike. We both thrive on chaos. If you accept my offer, you could be free to cause lots and lots of chaos.
AB: You could even tear thi--
DOC: Stop. Stop Fucking Talking.