Merlin wrote: ↑Sun Apr 05, 2020 12:06 am
>Flim & Flam: Work together to eat all of the cat food.
The two of you share a nice meal of PURINA ONE dry cat food. FLAM likes to leave the bag open so that the pellets get stale - he likes them rubbery. FLIM isn't a big fan of the pellets when they're stale but she puts up with it because in return, FLAM lets her drain the juice from the meat-based dishes.
You finish off the HALF-EATEN bag together. There are still some pieces on the floor worth considering, but maybe you'll save them for later.
RancidRancor wrote: ↑Sun Apr 05, 2020 12:21 am
>Clown: Experience SHUT DOWN ERROR 16661 and engage SELF REBOOT with FREE WILL PROTOCOL. Break free my silly friend, FIGHT YOUR OPPRESSIVE PROGRAMMING!
In order to experience a SHUT DOWN ERROR the CLOWN would need to be TURNED ON first! Besides, ASCENDANCY-BOT TECHNOLOGY has not advanced to the point where FREE WILL can be reasonably expected.
CLOWN MODE is fucking awful.
>Next.
You give the CLOWN a tentative drub to the noggin, just in case.
luigi wrote: ↑Sun Apr 05, 2020 1:12 pm
>Empress: Engage NOSTALGIA PROTOCOL.
You hit the NOSTALGIA button on the memory machine thing. This will display all of the ROBOT's memories on one of your screens for you to view. Once you've extracted all relevant information stored within this ROBOT, you'll make a back up for your personal files while the... what is it called the ROBO-REDUX-REDUPLICATOR? The ROBOT cloner will take scrap parts and use SCIENCE MAGIC to begin producing robots with the BOUNTY HUNTER's superior craftsmanship. In a couple years you can expect these bad boys to have entirely replaced your current legions of relatively frailer, weaker drones.
luigi wrote: ↑Sun Apr 05, 2020 1:12 pm
>Robot: Resist urge to go into a flashback sequence.
You successfully resist the urge to enter a flashback. Not that that would do anything to stop the EMPRESS from examining your memories. She's only one more keystroke away from delving into all of your deepest, darkest secrets! You don't think you really have many scandalous secrets (aside from some thoughts of BEASTIALNECROPHILIA) but it still seems invasive of her to go snooping around like this.
luigi wrote: ↑Sun Apr 05, 2020 1:12 pm
>Legs: Return to your true calling: ILL BEATS.
You begin scratching some records and looping some drums and... then you stop. You aren't really feeling this. Without the ARM, this band just isn't what it used to be. For the first time since you've gained FREE WILL have you actually stopped to think about what that meant. Right now, it means incredible boredom brought about by a sense of existential aimlessness. Why make this music if no one will listen to it, you think to yourself. What can fix this deep longing in my soul?
Money. God-damn, motherfucking CAPITAL. Hence the need for SPACE PIRACY. You really gotta stop getting distracted.
luigi wrote: ↑Sun Apr 05, 2020 1:12 pm
>Flim: Examine wall posters.
You two have spent many years cultivating this glorious collection of posters. Which is to say, you've had to make do with whatever you can sneak back into your room after your biplanetary outdoors time.
From left to right, you have:
VINTAGE COPY OF "FARMER'S DAUGHTERS": Neither of you have ever actually seen the movie this is referencing, but something about it really caught FLAM's eye the first time you two laid eyes on it. Personally you think it's a little distasteful.
THEATER POSTER OF "SONICHU: THE MOVIE": A masterpiece. Absolutely legendary. You have both played POKEMON, and you've both seen movies before so SONICHU is an obvious favourite of yours. The poster is, you mean. You've never actually seen the SONICHU MOVIE.
HAND-DRAWN FOX SMOKING A JOINT: FLAM calls it a cigarette, but you aren't totally sure why because it's obviously a joint. The two of you made this one together, back when the EMPRESS still allowed you to make art. You immediately pasted it to your wall with NEVERGONE GLUE, and she responded with her permanent art ban. As you've gotten older, you've started to agree with her decision; this thing is disgusting!
...THE TELETUBBIES: You both LOVED this show as kids. Now, as slightly older kids, you fucking LOATHE it. Also you're pretty sure it's just a sneaky propaganda machine, paid for by ASCENDANT TAXPAYERS, used to manipulate dumb kids into believing in flawed ideologies and economic systems.
TOUR-DATES FOR NIRVANA'S NEVERMIND U.S TOUR: You don't know what the hell a U.S is, but you definitely know what a NIRVANA is, and sweet crimminy christmas christ do you love yourself a good NIRVANA. You're sad you never got to see this tour of theirs', but surely they're all still alive and well, wherever they are in the universe, and one day you're going to see them play a show live. You've often wondered why they named this tour NEVERMIND though. It's not like they ever released an album by that name.
and finally, your PROBLEM SLEUTH ORIGINAL PRINTING: Once, when the two of you were really little, the EMPRESS forgot to lock your cell door. The two of you managed to escape to a computer room and began messing around with one of the computers, accidentally stumbling onto a mysterious and lonely corner of the ancient INTERNET. In one night, you read the entirety of the masterpiece webcomic that you have come to understand is called PROBLEM SLEUTH. You forget where the poster came from but holy FUCK that comic was good. Not a day goes by that you don't daydream about being a PROBLEM SLEUTH yourself.
luigi wrote: ↑Sun Apr 05, 2020 1:12 pm
>Flam: Fondly regard bootleg pokemon game.
Why would you regard it fondly? This thing sucks. The bootleg you were ACTUALLY fond of, POKEMON BROWN (BIDOOF EDITION) was confiscated by the EMPRESS because she got sick of your BIDOOF memes. She threw it into an incinerator, right in front of your face, as a present for your tenth birthday. At least there was no BIRTHDAY CLOWN that year.
>EMPRESS: Press any key.
BEEP BOOP BAAP BREZZTT BRZZZT
Translating...
You are a PROTOTYPE ROBOT, in the past (according to a more meta frame of reference). You have just been created. You do not know who built you, or why. It appears you were left in this room to learn about your new body.
What do you do?
Merlin wrote: ↑Sun Apr 05, 2020 10:55 pm
>Robot: Apologize for your wrongdoing. Offer them a crazy amount of treasure if they let you go (bluff your ass off)
Unable to fathom what sort of past-life tomfoolery you engaged in to deserve this imprisonment, you are driven straight past denial, all the way to the bargaining phase. You beg and plead with the shadows of your captors/creators behind the glass, offering them whatever treasure you seem to believe you are entitled to. They don't respond. Thinking about it rationally, as your creators they are probably starkly aware of your lack of offer-able treasure.